Can you tell the difference part II

Ok, I still have a problem with having my photo taken. There. I said it.

Now, before I get depressing let me tell you about my wonderful goregous boyfriend. As previously mentioned I had wanted to get to 4 stone loss by the time we went to New York, and as an extra incentive he said he'd pay for me to get my hair done if I did it. Well today was treat day. Courtesy of Magnus I went to Toni & Guy and had my hair highlighted and cut, and the result was lovely. I loved the whole experience, I had a head massage while my hair was washed and the chair gave me a back massage at the same time. Do I had the best man in the world ever!

So, I come out feeling like a million dollars. I feel good, I look good and want some pictures. Only to discover I STILL have my photo phobia. I will post the pictures anyway even though I think I look awful. Why can I not see the good I have done? Why do I not see that I am much smaller, healthier and better. Why do I just see the rolls of fat that are still there on my back and stomach?

I will start with the before pic. I look at this and cringe. Please click on the pic the discover the true horror of my size!



Now, these are pics taken tonight. Note the new hair! I actually looked in the mirror and said outloud to myself that I was "looking goooood". Then I saw the pics. Oh god my belly is awful, and my back is huge. I do not look 4 and a 1/2 stone lightee. I still look huge and feel bad. But I know I am being stupid. My brain is in total conflict with what I am seeing. Why am I seeing the bad and not the good? Why can I not feel good about myself? I want to feel fabulous and beautiful. I am so rubbish.

And that's another silver seven!

Let me start my telling you about my weekend. The football season started again, so off we went with our shiny new season tickets to The Reebok Stadium to see my beloved Bolton Wanderers (the less said about the actual result the better!).

So, being the first game I decided to relax and enjoy it, and instead of driving we got the train and had a few beers before the game. Then one at half time, then one after. It can be a rather boozy event! We had planned to go for a chinese after, as I find that it's the lesser of the evils when eating out. After we got the train back to Manchester I just blurted it out. It came from nowhere. "Let's go for a curry!".

Now, Akbars in Manchester is the best ever ever ever curry place. It's cool, modern, stylish and the food is to die for. I'd say that place goes a long way to understanding why I ended up 18 stone! I haven't been since starting WW and missed it. A Lot. Problem is, what I have amounts to about 2 days points, but I thought sod it, I'm doing well - I'm going to enjoy myself. And it was devine.

Sunday. Needed some bits and bobs from Ikea. Now every self respecting person knows that when you go there you HAVE to stop off to eat a big plate of meatballs, chips and creamy sauce. And I did. They were nice, but having a swedish boyfriend, I know the real homemade thing are better.

This week was not looking good WW wise. So yesterday off I popped to the gym like a good girl and decided to do a massive session. Oh god I worked hard, sweated like a pig and really busted my backside. I get home and pointed my session. 7.5 bonus points, brilliant I think. But instead of feeling like a good girl, the bad girl in me thinks "oooh, 7.5 points - that's a bottle of wine" And with that I get to the pub quicker than Usain Bolt.

So, weigh in day today. I wanted 0.5 lb to get me to 4 stone total loss. I wanted that 8th silver seven. Those WW gods were looking down on me today because I lost 5LB!!

I am now 13 stone 8.5 lb.
60.5lb total loss
2.5lb from my 9th silver seven.
5.5lb of my BMI being 29.9 and no longer obese.

Today, Jo is a happy bunny :o)

Into the 13's!

I went to weigh in last night and I had lost 2lb, which considering I had a bad weekend is brilliant. This has taken me to 13st 13.5lb so i'm in the 13's! I now only need 1/2lb next week to get me my next silver 7 and a total of 4 stone loss.

I'm going to have to keep up my exercise and save a few points on a couple of days ready for saturday. Football starts again and I'll be using my birthday present season ticket for the first time. Being the first game I'll treat myself to a pub lunch beforehand and a few beers. I'm so excited, I have missed football and can't wait to start going again.

I have been setting myself mini goals along the way and my current one was to get to 14stone by the time we go to New York, which I have done with 2 weeks to spare. Magnus had also told me that if I did it he would pay for me to get my haircut and have highlights done. I'd forgotten about that and last night he reminded me to make an appointment at any hairdressers I want regardless of the cost!! I have the best man in the world. He is so supportive, loving and kind, and he is really proud of me.

I now have 2 weeks to get a couple of good losses as I don't want to go back above 14 stone after New York. I'll start that with an extra good session at the gym tonight.

Oooh, one last thing. Went to the pub quiz last night and the quiz master commented on my weight loss. How cool is that!!

I've joined the gym!

The time has come where swimming alone doesn't seem enough anymore. In order for me to do what I feel like has been a really good workout I need to do an hour in the pool, which does get a bit boring! I'm ok up until about 40 mins but then I've had enough. I always knew that eventually I would upgrade my swimming only membership but at the time I joined I didn't have the confidence to waddle around in the gym!

So, I upgraded today and I'm really excited. I'm booked in for an induction tomorrow and have been shopping tonight for some new gum wear. Sainsburys have a really good range of nice quality but not silly priced stuff. The changing rooms weren't open so I grabbed a few bits and bobs and thought I would take back what I didn't want or didn't fit.

I got some size 16 jogging pants, and I thought they looked like a big 16. (In the end they weren't and fit me perfectly) but I'd also grabbed a size 14 too. They were too small, but they went on! Tight around my bum and definite belly overhang, but about 20 minutes ago I WAS WEARING A SIZE 14!!!!!

My brain isn't catching up with my weightloss

I haven't posted for a while. Things are still going well, I lost another 2lb at WI last wednesday, so that's 53lb in total and I'm creeping up to the 4 stone mark.

I am really proud of myself of how well I have done but at times I still feel like that huge person I was before. Some days I have zero confidence on how I look. When looking at clothes I still automatically go to the back of the rack to see if they have the biggest sizes - it's habit and then I remember to go to the smaller sizes. Yesterday I got some size 16 jeans in the sale at Sainsburys. I didn't try them on, I knew they would fit by looking at them (and they did). However when I took them to the till to pay, instead of feeling good about myself for buying size 16's I felt like the lady at the till would be thinking that I should go back and get a bigger size, like people look at me a see a hugely overweight person.

And I also feel like people are fed up of me telling them how I am doing after weigh in, or talking about weight watchers.

I am still as comitted as ever, but I just wonder if the fat Jo in my head will ever go away.

I felt so good the other week when I got to 50lb. I was over the halfway mark and it felt fabulous, but then I kept getting comments about how much harder the second half would be. It's almost like people are expecting me to fail.

Anyway, like I said I am still as commited as ever and I KNOW I CAN DO THIS. I just wish my confidence and brain would catch up a bit.

On a brighter note, when I started WW and Emily put her arms around my waist her hands wouldn't meet. Her fingertips were a good 3 inches apart. Every few weeks we would try again and see them getting closer. A while ago I did her a deal that when she could get her arms around me and clasp her hands completely together that I would treat us to a fun treat. She can now do it so today we are going to the Trafford Centre to play Laser Quest, then to Pizza Express where I can try one of the new WW pizzas. And I know we will have a brill time :o)